Putting in so much attention into people who nvr treated u the same way...
how many umpteen times have this happened before, how many more must i experience?

maybe i'll just have to experience it every time, trusting people so easily and giving in my all to improve the friendship from the start so stupidly and stubbornly all the time,
maybe that is the punishment.

and sometimes i just can't get how people can give their attention to people who don't deserve it at all.

is it blinded love?
no they deny that. it doesn't seem that way either...
or those people have what they lack, what they needed, or make them feel better, superior, manly, i dunno wad.
but they obviously don't deserve it,
so why???

it pisses people off sometimes,
cus there are so many other people out there who are way more worth their attention..

and the most awesome thing is that,
they are actually told in the face they are not treasured,
or respected fully as a good friend,
and yet these people still dumbly give them their all.

i just don't get it at all.

i'm so tired of throwing all of me for everyone,
when will it be when someone throw their all for me?


or maybe i'm just wad they see as 'not worth it' at all...

~

'Scared of my brother's evil power? I'm more afraid of not having enough power to protect my brother!'

- 青之驱魔师, Blue Exorcist

I do know the exact reason why i love Fairytail so much,
it just echos my character too well...

The kind of character that will sacrifise oneself for all the others,
even if it means total destruction or the very worst.


~

'Not enough energy? There's no such thing as not enough energy.
Squeeze out the ones for tomorrow and fight on. '
- Nazi, Fairytail

I'm tempted...
But i've got to overcome my greatest weakness first.

Discipline and endurance,
They are like my two greatest enemies, and im just sitting here, waiting for the day to come where i'll eventually have no choice but to face
and learn to master them,

The reward is however... priceless
It's so priceless that it'll fulfill everything in my life, and i'll honestly die happy knowing i've experienced the best.


~

Go for the disc not to score or win, scoring or winning is meaningless.
Go for the disc knowing that your team mate spent so much effort getting and throwing the disc just for YOU,
that is worth a million times more effort getting it.

Scoring or winning then, seems to mean so much more.

i'm just sorry to say, once u made me feel disgusted about you, it's damn hard for me to get close to u anymore.
and anything u do now just make it worse...

we were close once before, but after that really ridiculous and childish act which i extremely disapprove, i'm thoroughly disgusted. it just disagrees with my personality and thinking too much, so much such that it repels me automatically, not even me knowing it. i never thought i would be like this, and i would think too that this is not the right way to deal with things since i've kinda done it before way back, but still, i can't help it...

hopefully it'll fade as time pass but i highly doubt so,
i'll try, but i hate to go against myself...

 
i'm terribly vulnerable to pretty things... =X

i realise once i label someone on the negative side, anything i see now whether pleasing or not just brings down my impression of him/her straight downhill, even if it can't go lower anymore.

im sick of all these rushing emotions.
i've got more important and pressing issues on hand, i really wanna concentrate on them right now,
but its just so tough...

its like balancing my first priority with reality.
damn it